Suffering to Sexy
A testimony and guide to transforming grief into a glow up.
Hi Cutie,
I’m going to keep it a 100p…this was supposed to be published a week after I launched Champagne & Chakras, but you know what they say—we make plans and God LOLs. But alas, here we are, fashionably late to my own party — how Nigerian of me.
In a way, I am actually low key grateful for the last molly wop the Universe sent me. Even though something painful and jarring came up in my life at a time when I was regaining my footing, I noticed that I was able to move through it with more grace, calmness, grounded-ness, and a more subtle, softer power. Not because I was on some delusional spiritual bypass-y type of vibes, but because I have been on a profound journey the past couple of months—learning how to alchemize grief into something beautiful, something life changing—something sexy.
Which brings my latest yap session into the chat: my plan to go from suffering to sexy in no more than 40 days.
This concept came to me a few months ago when I woke up and was really in awe of the circumstances I had overcome at the time, as well as the past few years—hell my entire life. I was really proud of myself and was expressing gratitude for the Universe and my ancestors for giving me the strength to persevere through some wild circumstances.
However, I literally got the ick soon after these glittery, rainbow, butterfly filled thoughts when I thought of myself as resilient. I shivered in sheer disgust thinking about how most, if not all people, in my life use the term in the same breath as my name.
While I was holding back a new found deep disdain for the term "resilient,” a concept that I have come back to over and over again came to my mind: Thich Nhat Hanh’s No Mud, No Lotus (highly recommend the book), where he teaches that to know true happiness, we must first understand suffering—but we don’t have to stay stuck in it.
I thought about how the past couple of years especially, I have experienced things that would break a bitch. How I was in a much happier place and that would not have happened without the suffering I had experienced – how true mastery is learning to turn pain into glory. I thought about how I didn’t want to solely identify with and be identified by my resilience and most recent suffering, but more so who I was becoming because of it.
I’ve always identified as pretty, beautiful, VERY cute—but that cold February morning, I woke up and said, actually? I want to be sexy. Sexy is just a tad more delicious. It’s intriguing, while also being a little mysterious. Very much me. Although I appreciate people being in awe of my resilience, I want them to first be struck to their core by my sheer sexiness.
So I made a plan. A lighthearted, spiritual, slightly unserious, but deeply real plan. To use the heartbreak, the burnout, and the life lesson to step into a new chapter. A chapter filled with joy, peace, softness, and looking and feeling like that girl.
It’s not about deprivation (because that’s just suffering in a different font). It’s not about proving anything to anyone (again—different font). It’s about feeling good, living well, and embodying authenticity. That’s true liberation. That is what being sexy is truly about.
And with that, I present to you… the plan itself.
Suffering to Sexy 40 Day Plan
Boundaries
Set a crash out cut-off date.
Sometimes you need to crash TF out. Give yourself time to be a hot mess, grieve, cry, etc. Do what you need to do—but don’t get stuck in it. Set a date on your calendar to pull yourself together and move on.
Implement DND as a lifestyle—it’s a phone setting and a mindset. Access to you is a privilege.
The 4-day work week is where it’s at. Give yourself a day that’s lighter and more chilled. The 5 day work week is capitalism cosplaying as grind culture.
Create daily office hours. Example: No calls on Mondays and Fridays, before 10 AM, or after 4 PM. No texting or scrolling after 9 PM.
Pick either Monday or Friday to do no work whatsoever—unless it’s pouring into yourself.
Literally don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
And do whatever you want! Free will exists for a reason.
Get a hobby, maybe two!
Curse people out who are rude. Tell more people to shut the hell up. Tell them to SCRAM.
Stop letting people mistake kindness for being a doormat. Stand up—even with low iron!
At the same time, learn to say less. Sometimes silence = peace.
Body + Health
Move your body every day.
10–15K steps/day, Pilates 2–3x/week, yoga 1–2x/week.
Proper walking shoes will change your life. A thousand kisses for the Hoka Clifton 9’s.
Follow the 80/20 rule. Aim for balance, but don’t deprive yourself of a little treat now and then.
MAX 4 meals out or delivery per week.
Purchase most (if not all) veggies from the farmers market.
Only keep 4 snacks in the house at all times. Finish them before replacing.
Eat hella protein!
Don’t obsess over carbs.
Set a morning routine for gut health.
Take a shot of aloe juice in the AM, followed by a daily probiotic (or a bit of fermented food).
Try to take your other vitamins…heavy on the try.
Drink 2.5 liters of water/day. Only one sparkling water/day.
Take magnesium before bed.
2 alcoholic drinks, 2 nights/week, only Thursday–Sunday.
Stick to natural wine. No liquor unless it’s a cheeky martini.
Rules don’t apply on girly pop nights out. Live your life.
Beauty
Keep it simple. Minimal makeup. Less is more.
Natural beauty is sexy. It’s giving “not too much on my girl” to enhance beauty.
No more mascara, and eyeliner is reserved for special occasions.
A sexy, juicy, and moisturized lip should be a constant, non-negotiable.
1 beauty investment/month.
It’s a red manicure for me—9 times out of 10.
Perfect 3 signature hairstyles you can do at home.
For me it’s slick back, silk press, or full voluminous rich-aunty/90s look.
We love a salon moment, but sexiness is about empowerment. Invest in tools and products to do it yourself at home.
Refresh outfits for the season.
Tits out for the girls! Do not dress like Adam Sandler every day.
Wear more jewelry. Adorn yourself like a goddess. More is more!
Learn to layer fragrances that match the sexy you’re giving.
Wear perfume to bed.
Community
Surround yourself by people who don’t play about you.
Ask yourself: Who was there for you during your suffering? Who is only there for you when you’re suffering? Who gave you a hard time or lacked grace when you were down?
Act accordingly: place people close to you, on the sidelines, or in the trash. Invest in those close to you and leave people right where they are weird at.
Ask for help!
Host dinner parties and girly pop nights out.
Flirt with everyone. Romance is for friends only.
Shop small as much as possible. Pay in cash when you can.
Mind
Practice a 40 day Sādhanā.
Choose a topic tied to your transformation such as peace, abundance, prosperity, or love.
Minimum: 20 minutes mantra meditation, 5 minutes chanting.
Build habits that feel satisfying—not restrictive.
Make your bed every morning. No dishes in the sink before bed.
Pick 1 thing to learn about.
Do 3 things daily to advance your career and/or personal goals—no matter how big or small.
No dating apps whatsoever. Actually, no dating.
For the girly pops: Do not take any man seriously romantically unless he is introduced through a trusted friend, acquaintance, or God himself.
Dilly dally and/or LOL as much as possible.
There you have it babes! Remember, this isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about coming home to yourself—one aloe shot, prayer, boundary, red mani, and cheeky martini at a time.
It’s about balance. It’s about authenticity. This is what works for me. It’s what makes me feel grounded, joyful, and good. I’m sharing it in hopes that you’ll find what works for you. Your own flavor of sexy. Your own rhythm of wellbeing.
Because I’m an absolute sweetheart, I also created an abbreviated, less yappy version of the plan you can download here for a quick reference:
Wait there’s more! I also created this playlist of songs that make me feel sexy AF that I have been moving and grooving too on my walks. I’m sharing this just in case you need some melodies and beats to accompany you while you’re getting your steps in.
If you’re in your personal rebrand era, or just trying to remember what joy feels like after the mud—you’re not alone. I’m right there with you.
Share this with your friends who may need to hear this and if you have any questions, leave them in the comments section below.
Until we meet again keep your lips juicy, mind clear, gut healthy, and the real ones close to you.
xoxo,
Maryam
Obsessed with this!
we are SUBSCRIBED to the plan!!!!!!